Community - one of the most precious gifts that a person receives. Send important information, to hear the news, to share experiences, talk about their feelings - all this and more we can with the ability to communicate. But there is another side to the coin. It is "because" communication occurs most conflicts and misunderstandings. Take, for public transportation - the focus of squabbling and scandals, as well as the source of spoiled the mood. Very rarely quarrel transport start because of a conflict of interest: there are complete strangers, they do not have overlapping interests! In this case, only play the role of errors in the communication: pushed and did not apologize, do not look, do not say it - and now the sparks flew conflict.
But if you get out of the vehicle at its stop and soon forget the unpleasant incident , the communication with friends , colleagues and family - a much more serious question , and the consequences of errors in the communication in this case lay a mark on many areas of lif
To speak or communicate?
It would seem - what's complicated? We all know how to talk since childhood and somehow communicate with others. The key word here, alas, "somehow." After all, the main task of communication - not to talk, and to be heard. And hear. For effective communication does not need to have the eloquence to be a consummate professional speaker and humorist (though all this, certainly useful skills). To your message reached the addressee, you must first "build bridges". If you do not like the person, if it is on the scale of "friend or foe" definitely took you to a stranger, no eloquence will not reach him. And if you're nice to him, he will try to listen to you, whether you are even a very tongue-tied.
To win sympathy
Often we try to impress others , to put yourself in the best possible light , to emphasize its many advantages . We do this a lot of effort - and quite wrong . During a conversation our interlocutor does not think about us - it is likely to worry about what impression you himself. The conclusion that can be drawn from this is simple - do not try to arouse the admiration of the interlocutor , and let him impress you .
And be sure to remember the name of the person to talk to anyone.
Listening without interrupting and to delve into the essence of what people tell you - one of the most important in the art of communication. When your partner says , do not be distracted on anything : all the small things aside , do not look at the clock . Ask clarifying questions . Let the questions will be open ( so that they could not answer "yes" or "no" ) . If you are sincerely interested in the man and his deeds - no doubt , it will take you a good conversationalist. At the same time, be sensitive : each has a theme that he does not want and does not like to discuss.
Talk to the man on his tongue
Even if you do not need an interpreter , and you are both perfectly understand in Russian , that does not mean that you speak the same language. Make sure that you understand that you are not using or specialized jargon ? You should always be aware of what the idea you want to convey to the interlocutor , as well as - what words you will use for this . Remember the old anecdote :
- See, water evaporates from the surface , the steam rises into higher atmospheric layers , where under the influence of low-temperature condensed and form clouds . When the mass of droplets becomes too large , the rain . Do you understand?
- Yes, I understand.
Selection of the right words - another cornerstone of effective communication with people.
Remember as a child we learn the lessons of this world with the help of fairy tales. Since then, nothing has changed. If you want to be listened with interest and heard , not to voice "dry" facts and do not give instructions , and add it to your history - from jokes to cases of life. They should be interesting , not too long , and the conclusion that the students will themselves have to be that what you need . Preparing for an important conversation , remember a couple suitably stories and use them .
Sarcastic remarks and attacks can be met by a bang, but the one who was the target of your wit , it is unlikely you will be grateful . So if a joke ready to break with your language might offend someone , it is better to remain silent . But the ability to laugh at themselves and self-irony has always been the price .
What else should be avoided , since this " voice-over " discussion absent . Firstly , your unflattering can still walk to the destination , and in the revised and updated form . And secondly , those who you say something unpleasant about others and yourself will treat you with caution : you never know what you will say about them when they turn away . It is better to talk about good people - and in the face and eyes .
It would seem that it is not necessary to talk about it separately , but courtesy is still one of the best ways to establish high-quality communication. Such simple words like "hello" , "please" and "thank you" still play the role of magic spells in matters of human relations . If you want to learn how to communicate with people and to do it effectively , in any case, do not ignore these " commonplace " .
Do not argue!
Remember one important rule : if you win the argument , you 've already lost . Every person is important to remain significant and the right - at least in his own eyes . And the feeling of embarrassment and frustration he experienced in case of defeat , and now for him to be inseparably connected with you. Is this exactly what you wanted? That's right .
The only way to win the argument - is to avoid it.
If the other party has failed to impose your argument just admit he was right . Nothing bad will happen . If fully agree with his position , you can not , find at least something with which you disagree. Do not continue to " stick to its " as the source disagrees with you . It is useless : he still can not hear you and considering your words . Now he is only thinking about what you would respond and how to "save face " and still formulating counterarguments , and therefore even more convinced of the correctness of their position . Disputes in communication - a road to nowhere .
A positive value of criticism greatly exaggerated. If criticizing a man you think you are doing it for his own good, at least stop to think so. Any criticism is destructive in nature. At the heart of its people still do not accept, even if agree with her. So reprimand an employee for the gaffe, as inefficient as the favorite for the delay or the child for two. When you criticize a man, he thinks about you ill and waiting when you finally finish. Educational effect, as you know, is zero. The only benefit from criticism (also very relative) - you can blow off steam.
What do you do when you just need to point out the shortcomings (eg , a report made by your employees ) ? Make it the most concise and without emotion , not forgetting to note how you appreciate the "guilty " and their contribution to the common cause . Always let your companions look decent in your own and in their own eyes .
Learn how to communicate with people , to pass " good guy " and a charming person - to make it all much easier than one might think. Love people , respect them , interested in them , and never encroached on their significance . Do not hesitate - because you will become a great conversationalist , someone looking for many of society .